a paradox
Posted by Tony Lee | Posted in dad, hatred, learning, love, mediocrity, mistakes, paradox, regret, respect, st. bonaventure, the intrepid | Posted on 2:37 PM
My dad, a former Microsoft Korea CEO, never had a filter.
Good idea or bad, appropriate or not, he would say whatever he wanted, however he wanted, any way he wanted.
That's all I have ever known, how a man who had the ability to make Bill Gates shut up acts.
In 2009, I transferred into St. Bonaventure University — a tiny, conservative, Catholic, liberal arts university where no one questioned the status quo.
Now imagine everyone's surprise and disdain when a student — with flashy diamond studs and a personality to match — demanded changes like a tyrant.
I. Was. An. Arrogant. Prick.
It didn't matter Jacek Utko, an award-winning Polish newspaper designer, separately said the same things as me in 2009. No one had a reason to listen and/or accept me.
And it led to my greatest collegiate regret.
I have burned a lot of bridges at The Bona Venture, most of them warranted because of the cocky-as-shit attitude and the high horse I came in on.
I tried to get — no, demand — people buying into many ideas, including Utko's. However, many responded with nasty emails and behind-the-back shit talking.
And it led to my eventual, figurative exile from that family.
I acted like my dad, even though I had no right — no, privilege — to enforce ideas, even if they were good.
So, The Intrepid came into existence.
But because of my reputation, many in the university took The Intrepid wrong. People will always think The Intrepid as the epitome of my arrogance when it was just the only avenue available.
Truthfully, no one truly understood the reasoning behind The Intrepid besides professors Pat Vecchio and Denny Wilkins.
The Intrepid will succeed at St. Bonaventure, but not in my original vision, similar to Utko's. Why? Because I started something when I wasn't qualified to, and I didn't know how to fight for my ideas.
He was ready to lead and execute. I wasn't.
But I'm OK with that.
The Intrepid, contrary to popular belief, was never about me. It was about how the worldwide journalism community could be doing better.
I'll always regret The Intrepid being a masterpiece of my imperfections, inaptitude and misconceptions.
Because of that, messages became muddled. Rumors became perception. Ignorance became reality.
Staffers received mediocrity.
Hatred spread rampantly.
Don't get me wrong. The people in the wrong will never receive an ounce of respect, compassion or honesty from me. They know who they are.
But the fact is The Intrepid has paradoxically become my greatest collegiate accomplishment and regret.
And for that, St. Bonaventure University, I am sorry. You deserved my ultimate best — not the best I have to offer right now.
Even more, I'm sorry to have brought the negativity and hatred I fought tooth and nail out of to the place and profession that saved my life.
Comments (0)
Post a Comment